Breakdown Right Before 30…

My husband surprised me with a party for my birthday… This was my cake; it says “Don’t Trip, 30 is Lit!”

Hey Good People!

For those who don’t know, back in August I recently celebrated my 30th birthday. Yay… right? For me it was a big no, I wasn’t looking forward it at all! When people asked me how I felt about this new milestone, a serious side-eye ensued usually followed by an eye-roll. I then would explain that I didn’t want to celebrate because I wasn’t ready to turn the big 3-0. I just wasn’t feeling it.

Then it happened… Two weeks, to the day exactly, before I turned 30 I thought I was going to lose my mind. Thoughts of doubt, failure, incompetence, “not being where I should be” flooded my mind and I literally lost my breath and my heart began to race. I’ll admit my first thought was not to pray and ask God to help me. Instead I fed into the thoughts, then the tears began to roll and the anxiety continued.

I got myself together enough to complete my workday but it didn’t come without frantic text messages to my husband, Pat, which lead to him calling to talk to me.

Pat was so encouraging and patient with me. This man has a lot of patience -- I mean a lot of patience. He reminded me of the purpose God has placed in me and that God’s timing is perfect. Then he asked me some hard questions; “Wife, when was the last time you prayed consistently about where God has you? Have you asked Him why He has where He has you? If He’s satisfied with where you are and what you’re doing?” Had I prayed about where I was in life? Yes. Had I prayed about why I am where I am? Yes, of course. Did I pray about God’s satisfaction with my life? Yes. However, I probably prayed those prays once or twice at most and when I didn’t get a response or a response that I liked, I left that prayer where it was and consistency quickly faded.

That’s what I lacked, consistency. I gave up too quickly on hearing from God. I got impatient and dare I say it: I felt entitled. I felt that because I made the decision 14 years ago to live for Jesus and because I serve in church every week that by now, the prayers that I have been praying for years should be answered. Looking back, I see now that was a very unhealthy perspective to have.

I took my husband’s questions to heart and really took them to God. I asked Him to forgive me for my terrible attitude and perspective. Now, I’m working toward a more consistent prayer and study life to help keep my perspective in sync with God’s word. I’m definitely not perfect in this… I still have my moments of “Ok, God where are you?” but I’m leaning on God more than I was a couple of months ago.

My Encouragement To You

Always remember that God has not forgotten about you. Don’t get wrapped up into the expectations of other people or expectations that you’ve set for yourself that you haven’t obtained yet. Take a look around at what you have and thank God for your portion. Find a scripture or inspirational quote and when anxiety tries to creep up, repeat it to yourself as many times as you need to.

Be consistent in prayer.

Be consistent is your study time with God.

Be consistent in faith and know that God’s got you.

Be content and remember your portion has purpose.

With Love,

Tam